A Unique Specialty

While corporate life isn't all roses, there are a few benefits. Well, if not benefits, at least strange things.

You might find yourself in an erstwhile boring meeting, paying no particular mind to what's being said, when you hear a phrase that demands your attention. Today, that phrase was follows:

Boss: "...afasdfasdf jkjlkj asfdasf iwux ouoiw corpse management asdfj eazxcvx uouoiue xxs..."

Huh? (Emphasis added)

As evidenced by the "asdfj eazxcvx uouoiue xxs" following "corpse management," either a)no further context was provided or b)it wasn't noteworthy.

Be Vigilant*

Sure. It's the middle of the day and you've got no particular plans. Why not take a walk in the park? It's right there, and you mean to use it more often, after all (TRUE STORY!).

It seems harmless enough, but it's also a good way to loose your keys (TRUE STORY!). Then you've got a problem to deal with, which is pretty much a downgrade from "no particular plans."

"Doing Stuff: A Real Roll of the Dice"
-Tagline for a new pamphlet on doing stuff

*Alternate tagline for a new pamphlet on doing stuff

Signs Point to "No"

Some signs say more then they intend. For example:

"MAKE YOU'RE OWN SUNDAYS" (outside of a restaurant that evidently features an ice cream station)
This sign tells us that individuals with poor grammatical skills were involved with the production of this advertisement.

Don't Leave Me Hanging

Somewhere on this planet roams a man (or woman or child) who gives the best high-five you've ever seen (felt). What makes it so good? It's probably a wide variety of factors: the right amount of force, the appropriate rigidity of the fingers...it could even come down to shape/texture of callouses.

He or she needs to be found so the world can learn from them. Today, the high-five is largely regarded as a waste of time. Why? It's usually done so lamely. If the heart and soul could be restored to the high-five, it might one day return to the height of its mid-1980s grandeur.

Pickets to Tittsburgh

Speak a freudian slip and all around will laugh and then sigh. Write a freudian slip and you just can't count on the same response.

It's reasonable, though akward, that one might say "I'm looking forward to this sex" when they mean to say "I'm looking forward to this dinner." After all, they probably are looking forward to sex, even more so than dinner. Is it appropriate? Probably not. Is it understandable? You bet. It's a slip! "Delightful! Hahahaha....(sigh)."

If you were writing an email to someone to confirm dinner plans, let's say with someone you hoped to have sex with, and wrote the phrase "Remember, this sex is my treat," you have failed both as a dinner companion and a communicator. Given all that extra time to share what you were thinking, you somehow managed to blow it. "WTF? What an ass...(sigh [in the bad way])."

Admire My Package

Scene: A restaurant

Woman 1: Well, life's good except OOOH, my arthritis!

Woman 2: Those days are over now that I use [PRODUCT HERE] (Brandishes product)

Woman 1: Gimmee!

A common framework for commercials. You can adjust the gender, location and "problem" as needed. Apart from the often stilted dialogue, what's the bigger beef? These people always hand the product to their friend a)referencing the product by its full brand name and, perhaps more disturbing, b) they carry the product around in its original packaging. Perhaps you carry the product everywhere, but in the same box you bought it in? Sealed? At minimum, the edges of the box would be crushed, due to purse related shifting, but the box is always pristine. Bah!

Upon Losing A Limb

The first thought, after the horrible shock, must be, "Damn. I'm really going to miss that sucker."