Erin-Go-Figure

See that girl with the shamrock tattoo? There's a solid chance that if you randomly addressed her as Erin, you'd have guessed correctly.

Respect Your Broadleaf Deity

If God was a tree, Arbor Day would be the new Christmas.

In this universe, Christianity would probably be less important, but we'd still acknowledge the crucifiction thing (damaging to the tree).

Rule #2

For some reason, plastic shit is less tacky than plastic fruit.

Stumped?

When faced with the socially challenging question of "what happened to your missing leg/arm/etc, saying you "lost a limb" makes it sound like you misplaced the limb in question and implies a touch of carelessness.

Saying you "had a limb bitten off/crushed/frozen/maimed" is a little lengthy and almost sounds like bragging.

Instead, go for the simple statement "I, too, notice my missing limb" and say no more. It's informative and has an air of mystery.

The XXX Men

A decent superpower would be the ability to instantly know what any given person's fetish is. That way you'd really know how to fu*k them good!

*c

That's Pussy Talk

Cats are largely silent, but will let out an all purpose "Meow" when vacant staring and pacing is not sufficient to communicate what they need.

Adopt this strategy in your personal life and witness one or more of the following outcomes:
a) You'll be labeled as a crazy.
b) The person you're communicating with will give up and walk away.
c) Your food bowl will probably get refilled.

At the end of the day, none of these options is really that bad. Give it a whirl.

The Law of Stare Cease

It sucks if you get busted staring at someone, but if you're staring at someone because you are watching them stare at someone else, you're usually OK.