Make 6-Month Daddy Proud

Want the joy of kids without the hassle of raising them? Adopt a 17.5 year old "child." Impart your knowledge, shower the child with love and support, and then kick them on the curb the day they turn 18. The gravy train doesn't last forever.

After you've sent your child packing, go enjoy a martini and reflect on how difficult it is to be a parent these days.